How a breathwork session changed my life
It's May 16, 2019, and I'm slowly trotting towards the yoga studio. The evening atmosphere in Vienna is wonderful, the light is magical, but none of it reaches me. For 15 months I have been the mother of a bright, wonderful, and sleepless son who has completely turned my life upside down. I feel like a zombie, a victim of sleep deprivation as a torture method, and I can't remember the last time I did something just for myself. But that should change in a few minutes.
My sister-in-law Sophie strongly recommended a PSYCHEDELIC BREATH® session with Eva Kaczor, which she describes as a unique experience combined with electronic music - my curiosity was aroused immediately, the survival instinct of my dwindling pre-motherhood personality begging for it, so let's go for it. Yoga has been an integral part of my life for more than 10 years, which of course also includes breathing exercises, but I had never done a unit that only deals with the breath. But it can't be that difficult, I think.
I look for a seat on the floor of the yoga room between all the beautiful young people who have come to the session and try to stay with myself while the excitement slowly rises inside me. If we weren't sitting in this sober room, but in front of a stage on a beautiful summer evening, I would almost have the feeling of being at a festival. And Eva floats in: radiant, light as a feather and wonderful. Still, I'm a little skeptical as she begins to explain what's going to happen with me in the next 90 minutes. She speaks of altered brain waves and body chemistry, of feelings and memories, and of unusual states of consciousness. She tells us about her past, how she developed PSYCHEDELIC BREATH®, and that she plans to train teachers in the near future. Hello? That's where I prick up my ears. Could I become a PSYCHEDELIC BREATH® teacher? We'll see....
In between, I wonder how old Eva actually is. She looks incredibly young, but at the same time wise, which makes it impossible for me to assess her real age. When I found out months later that she was older than me, I was positively shocked, because at the time I felt she was much younger than me. Eva is the first foretaste of the positive effects breathwork can have on body and soul.
When we start to warm up our breath, I notice immediately that I haven't been breathing consciously for a long time. It's kind of exhausting and at the same time extremely calming. It feels strange and familiar at the same time. After a few more words, the music starts and the breathwork begins. The whole room breathes to the rhythm of the loud electronic music and Eva gently guides us into this unknown technique. The dynamic breathing through my nose quickly develops a sore pain on inhalation. It feels like my nose is sunburned inside, but I keep breathing. I feel my body struggling with the technique: it's hard breathwork that it doesn't feel like doing at all. My body is exhausted, sleepless, and doesn't find the situation inspiring at all. But I keep breathing. And already we're going into the first breath retention. To completely let out the air and then not breathe for a while is new to me. I'm a bit scared, but Eva assured us in the introduction that we have enough oxygen in the body through dynamic breathing to endure the break without any damage. Eva's voice calms me down and encourages me to explore this new space that opens up in this unknown void. I see myself wandering through the darkness with a candle. After a few seconds, we should take a deep breath and hold it. Oxygen shoots into my brain and it feels like my brain is doing a jum - wonderful!
The retention times become longer and longer and at the end, I notice that I would prefer not to breathe in at all. I feel so good in this empty space, in which I don't have to perform, function, or do anything. It's a world that belongs only to me, that is only there to do me good. Without a guilty conscience or evaluation. Unfortunately, the 90 minutes are up faster than I expected and when I track down the soft music, I can no longer grasp, put into words or categorize myself. I feel strangely wonderful, relaxed and in the most primal state of myself. I go home and feel that I have arrived. At this point, I don't know where..y clearly - "Live wild! Live wild! Live wild!" Tears run down my cheeks. Suddenly I smell something that thaws me deeper into the world of my heart space and I drift away.
The retention times become longer and longer and at the end, I notice that I would prefer not to breathe in at all. I feel so good in this empty space, in which I don't have to perform, function or do anything. It's a world that belongs only to me, that is only there to do me good. Without a guilty conscience or evaluation. Unfortunately, the 90 minutes are up faster than I expected and as I relax to soft music, I can no longer grasp, put into words, or categorize myself. I feel strangely wonderful, relaxed, and in the most primal state of myself. I go home and feel that I have arrived. At this point, I don't know where.
When I received the news a few months later that Eva was starting the first teacher training course in Berlin, I had no doubt: I want to be part of this world!